Darla!

Category: what’s inside my head

  • i’m taking a break from the reality

    Some people I know say that it is not good to overthink about the future. I know I should really stop worrying and just embrace whatever the future might bring, but I’m not that kind of person. I believe that the future is built by what I did in the past and what I do today.

    Every night for the past few weeks, I go to bed very tired and uneasy. I don’t sleep well and wake up every morning even more tired. I keep getting headaches every now and then. I know quite well that my body is in its full condition and that the headaches are actually the result of my ineffective night sleeps.

    I’ve been thinking about the reason why I’ve been so weary. And this morning I came up with a conclusion that perhaps I think about the future too much. I’m afraid that all my past mistakes cannot be changed and that they could keep me away from the future I have designed.

    It’s breaking my heart to see all these things falling apart. What will you do if you know that something’s gonna end soon?

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

  • insha Allah

    Years ago, I was playing skipping with my friends when I fell down and skinned my knee on a big rock. I immediately went to a mosque near by and cleaned the wound with water, then went back to playing. I didn’t feel the pain back then, not until I came home. Right when I entered my house, the wound started to burn and it hurt like hell. I cried and my mum checked the wound. She asked me why I didn’t go home right after I got the wound and I told her that it didn’t hurt when I was playing. She then told me that when you were happy, your brain was too busy being happy that it didn’t notice the hurt going on in your body.

    Perhaps what my mum said was right. Perhaps we wouldn’t feel pain if we were happy. Perhaps all this fatigue, pain, temporary hopelessness, etc., would disappear if I keep in mind that I’m doing this for the sake of future happiness. It’s what I’m going to build and fill my home with.

    Perhaps if I keep trying hard, keep fighting for it, then God will understand how much and how bad I want it. Perhaps He will grant all my wishes. I do believe in Him. Insha Allah.

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

  • on cussing on twitter

    If you’re following me on Twitter, you might see some tweets where I complained about several things last night. I do believe that it’s okay to blurt out negativity in social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. It’s fine; as long as you know when to stop. It’s alright to let out one negative tweet or two; but don’t bitch all the time (I have a friend who complains in every single tweet she writes and I know that everybody would agree if I said that she is unfollowable). You must keep in mind that while you have all the rights to tweet whatever you want, your followers have all the rights to have their timelines free from negativity.

    So, cuss whenever you think it’s necessary (don’t mind those haters!); but never too much.

    And to kick all these negative thoughts out of my mind (and yours), I close this post with this song. It’s my favourite one to listen to whenever I feel like a downer. Enjoy! 🙂

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

  • weekend to-do list

    My activity this Saturday

    This Sunday is for:
    + waking up as late as possible
    + staying in bed as long as possible

    Oh yeah…

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

  • out of my bubble

    These past weeks I have wandered too far from my comfort zone. Honestly, I’m a socially awkward girl. I don’t quite like to make new friends; I enjoy having just a small circle of friend. I prefer working alone to working in a group; if I really have to work in a group, I tend to work with those I already know. But in this ABS (Language and Arts Appreciation) project, where we have to create a show, I’m in the creative team with ten other people; eight of whom I didn’t know very well. The creative team also have a very hard job to find/create the concept for the show, to conduct the practices, to decide what properties are going to be used, and such stuffs. For these past two weeks, I have to go home very, very late and I also have other assignments. I am so busy; I am so tired. But I keep trying to enjoy it. I have never been in a creative before and I didn’t know that the job of the team would be this hard, but I try to enjoy it. The team is actually very solid and supportive. I love how I could easily fit in with them (who are majorly from the English Literature study programme).

    I have pushed myself so hard to be away from my ‘bubble’, that comfort zone I have always been in. And it actually breaks my heart to see those people (outside of the creative team) who cannot be willing to get out of their comfort zone too for the sake of the show. I am very aware to the fact that our work is not perfect, but it really tore my heart to hear them say that our work was a ‘bullshit’. I’m mad; I want to swing a wrecking ball. They have apologised and I have forgiven them. But I cannot lie; I forgive but never forget.

    That day, I lost my respect for a lot of people.

    I told myself that no matter how messed up the situation was, no matter how messed up my head was, I had to stay positive. No matter how hard that day was, I still tweeted positive things, cheering myself up, telling myself to never give up. But once again, someone threw stone at my head. Someone I called a friend sarcasticly tweeted something that made me upset. They didn’t mention me but I know the tweet was for me (hey, haven’t I told you that I have a very strong intuition?) I just didn’t know that tweeting positive thoughts was bad. Perhaps I have to just rant and blurt it all on Twitter every time I’m upset. Is that how the society works? Do I miss something here?

    They, of course, said that the tweet wasn’t for me. Oh well…

    Last Eid al Fitr, I told myself to stop hating. I had always been a hater of a lot of things, a lot of people, but now I realise that I cannot be friends with everybody. Haters and enemies are unavoidable. It’s okay to hate, it’s okay to dislike; as long as I don’t forget to love those who deserve to be loved.

    So, haters: There. I said it. This is your favourite part because, yes, I am really, really mad. And now you have something real to talk about, no?

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

    PS. We just finished the script. Yay! 😀