Remember when I told you that it was hard to be positive when your surrounding forced you to be negative?

Well, it’s just one of those days. I woke up with a headache just when my mom told me that she’s going to Lampung for new year, and guess what? I’m not invited.

It would be fine, though, if only I had a plan. I don’t. And I’m going to be alone on new year’s eve, just like any other new year’s eves. I never go out for the whole of my life. I’ve been that nice little girl who never goes out at night for the whole 19 years 2 months and 4 days.

It hurts, you know, to know that people who are close to me are going to have so much fun on new year’s eve, and, yet again, I’m not.

As if that’s not bad enough, today I didn’t receive any information on the schedule of my exams. Someone did send me the information after I complained on Twitter. Am I invisible to them?

This kind of feeling sends me back to my first year in senior high school. Nobody cares about me. Even the tailor I paid to fix my jeans doesn’t care about me.

And… seriously, people. I’m mad, okay? The last thing that would make me feel better is you being mad back at me. If you want to make it better, at least listen to what I say. If I say “I’m okay, just let me be” then let me frikkin be. Alright?

Sincerely,
Putdar.

The results of a quiz say that I am 41% girly. I always know that I’m not really a ‘girl’, nor am I a tomboy. So, what am I? I’m somewhere in between. Sometimes I like wearing skirts, blouses, flat shoes, dresses, but in another time you may see me wearing jeans, t-shirts, sneakers, jackets. I really can’t define myself.

Luckily, people all around me never complain over the way I am. My dad allows me to have short haircut. My mom buys me sneakers. My boyfriends says it’s okay as long as I still act like a girl (which I really don’t know how :p). My unbiological siblings take advantage of my tomboy’s side when it comes to getting rid of spiders or insects.

I’m still 19. Still in college. Still got a plenty of time to define myself. Still got a year left in my teenage life. I’m gonna make the most of it =]

Sincerely,
Putdar.