I apologise for all the negative things I’ve posted in this blog lately. I’m depressed like a 13 years old, God! Haha… But I’m fine today. See pictures above? I’m actually smiling, though my eyes are still puffy and burning after crying pathetically all night. Boy am I such a crybaby.

This morning I went to SMKN 10 to ask for permission to do the observation for ESP Course Design Class. The person in charge gave me the permission to do it on 6th of June, one day after AECS. That’s good because at least I don’t have to think about the observation until then. What a relief!

And my boss texted me, telling me that I’ve to come to work on Monday. It will be my last meeting with my student because he will have the SNMPTN test on Tuesday. I’m so nervous about it. What if he fails? Or worst, what if he fails in English? I keep telling myself that I’ve been doing great so far, and if he should fail, then it’s not my fault. But still, I’m nervous. Gosh…

I have to take a break. That’s why I’m here right now, in KFC MTC. I didn’t actually kill a cow, so I couldn’t make the burger, therefore I bought one. Here. In KFC. Haha! (I got a bad sense of humour :p)

Perhaps this is what I really need: a me time =]

I may become gloomy again when I’m alone in my room tonight. Well, at least I’m having fun right now. I love me. Me is a brave girl. Me is gonna tackle down all the obstacles. Me’s been in worse situations and she could make it through the stormy seas. Me can make it too now.

Sincerely,
Putdar.

PS. I actually don’t want to tell you about this because I want to win a pair of shoes from this giveaway on Michelle’s blog. Do NOT enter! :p

Have you ever felt that kind of feeling where everything seems going in the wrong directions? You know when you’ve already said yes and decided to take the responsibility of something, then you should finish it. You should stick to your decision. There’s no way out. There’s no way back. No matter what happens to you, your brain, or even your life, it’s still going to be your responsibility.

I don’t want to say that I have taken wrong decisions. If right now my life is such a mess, with unfinished college assignments, upcoming AECS, and unclarity of my job, I should’ve known that someday these things are gonna happen and thus I should have prepared and not get surprised. But I am surprised. I am stressed. The only thing I never thought of is that those three important things would climax in the same time, at this very moment.

It’s the risk of being me. I know. But if you only knew that being me is very hard, and I’m still learning how to be me. I really need a hug/tap on the shoulder, a nice “You’re doing good. I’m proud of you.”, or at least “Semangat ya?”

But, no. Nobody did/does that to me.

Mr Boyfriend is a commitee, too, so he’s as busy as I am. That’s why I don’t want to give him so much pressure by complaining to him. He himself already has tons of problem, I don’t want to add more burden. But I seriously need words of encouragement.

I’m so sorry. I never intended to be such a negative blogger (I’ve been complaining a lot lately), no matter how negative I really am in person. I really hope this one’s the last one (at least for these weeks). I really hope everything goes well until the end. Please pray for me, people. Perhaps some of you out there do care about me. I’ll be very thankful about that.

Okay. I need to tell myself to:
Just. Breathe.
*sigh*

Sincerely,
Putdar.

*update*
Right after I published this post, Mijra sent me this text:
“Oo.senyum dan semangat 8D”
I love her :’)

Sincerely,
Putdar.

I rarely wear pink, especially ^this^ kiind of pink. But as I read in a magazine moments ago, the colour of clothes that we wear can affect our mood. I hoped this colour could make me a little bit happier. It worked. I should wear more pink from now on =]

Sincerely,
Putdar.