Darla!

Category: life as i know it

  • runaway train

    *WARNING*
    This post is image heavy.

    Sorry for the unplanned hiatus. I never intended to stay away for too long from this blog, but my mind couldn’t come up with anything to put on here. Sorry, sorry, sorry. College had taken its toll on me (again). All these stuffs about ABS keep driving me mad over and over again. After one problem, comes another one.

    Monday night, I came home to a very tidy room. My mum tidied it up because she knew that I didn’t have time to do that lately. I realised I didn’t have time for myself in the whole November. So, I decided to take a train to Jakarta, all by myself because this might be the ultimate ‘me-time’ I really needed.

    Tuesday night, accompanied by Day, I bought a ticket to Gambir plus a return ticket. And yesterday, I boarded the train.

    I should do this more often. Going somewhere alone helps me thinking. Sometimes it’s good to go to where your heart wants to go; away from anybody who tells you what to do.

    What’s your favourite get away?

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

  • out of my bubble

    These past weeks I have wandered too far from my comfort zone. Honestly, I’m a socially awkward girl. I don’t quite like to make new friends; I enjoy having just a small circle of friend. I prefer working alone to working in a group; if I really have to work in a group, I tend to work with those I already know. But in this ABS (Language and Arts Appreciation) project, where we have to create a show, I’m in the creative team with ten other people; eight of whom I didn’t know very well. The creative team also have a very hard job to find/create the concept for the show, to conduct the practices, to decide what properties are going to be used, and such stuffs. For these past two weeks, I have to go home very, very late and I also have other assignments. I am so busy; I am so tired. But I keep trying to enjoy it. I have never been in a creative before and I didn’t know that the job of the team would be this hard, but I try to enjoy it. The team is actually very solid and supportive. I love how I could easily fit in with them (who are majorly from the English Literature study programme).

    I have pushed myself so hard to be away from my ‘bubble’, that comfort zone I have always been in. And it actually breaks my heart to see those people (outside of the creative team) who cannot be willing to get out of their comfort zone too for the sake of the show. I am very aware to the fact that our work is not perfect, but it really tore my heart to hear them say that our work was a ‘bullshit’. I’m mad; I want to swing a wrecking ball. They have apologised and I have forgiven them. But I cannot lie; I forgive but never forget.

    That day, I lost my respect for a lot of people.

    I told myself that no matter how messed up the situation was, no matter how messed up my head was, I had to stay positive. No matter how hard that day was, I still tweeted positive things, cheering myself up, telling myself to never give up. But once again, someone threw stone at my head. Someone I called a friend sarcasticly tweeted something that made me upset. They didn’t mention me but I know the tweet was for me (hey, haven’t I told you that I have a very strong intuition?) I just didn’t know that tweeting positive thoughts was bad. Perhaps I have to just rant and blurt it all on Twitter every time I’m upset. Is that how the society works? Do I miss something here?

    They, of course, said that the tweet wasn’t for me. Oh well…

    Last Eid al Fitr, I told myself to stop hating. I had always been a hater of a lot of things, a lot of people, but now I realise that I cannot be friends with everybody. Haters and enemies are unavoidable. It’s okay to hate, it’s okay to dislike; as long as I don’t forget to love those who deserve to be loved.

    So, haters: There. I said it. This is your favourite part because, yes, I am really, really mad. And now you have something real to talk about, no?

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

    PS. We just finished the script. Yay! 😀

  • “what do you fear, my lady?”

    “A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.”
    —Lady Éowyn

    You might not know that sometimes I’m jealous with people who leave their family and hometown to study in a good university in a big city. I feel that leaving all the people you love and the comfort of your home to live in a strange place, surrounded by strangers, is a step toward maturity. I was born and has been living in a big city all my life. I don’t know how it feels to leave my family and my bed to live in another city semi-permanently. I feel that I miss one step toward maturity.

    I fear that I have come to be spoiled by the comfort of big city. Everything I want is available here. I’m so used to living in an easy way that I fear I may not be able to survive if one day I have to leave it all.

    I once had this resolution of going out of town all by myself before I turn 20; take train and go to Yogyakarta or somewhere farther. It’s so sad that I’m 20 now and I haven’t even gone to Cimahi alone. My biggest obstacle is, of course, my parents. They will not let me go without company.

    Things may not change before I get married. My parents are the ones who are responsible for me until then. And after I get married, it will be my husband. My problem is if my husband doesn’t let me go, I can’t go. I will be forever inside the cage.

    I want to know how it feels to live in another town all by myself. I want to have a small house with a big garden. I want to taste that kind of freedom. And by freedom, I don’t mean partying and drinking like crazy. Freedom for me is being alone, doing what I love. It’s a simple dream but it’s so hard to pursue.

    Can I leave the cage?

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

  • one big thing before i turn 20

    August is almost finished. Only 11 days left, can you believe it? (Well seriously 2011, slow down!) So far, my resolution for this year is done well. As you might have noticed, in January I started wearing more proper headscarf. That’s my only resolution: to wear better clothes. How about your resolution(s)?

    Eight months have passed very quickly, and I’m sure October will come sooner than a blink of an eye and then *pop!* I will turn 20! Yesss, my friends, I’m 2 months and a week away from the age of 20. My teenage life will be over in just 2 months and a week. I really want to make the best out of it.

    Lately I’ve been thinking about what I’ve done in my life so far. A lot of fun, but there have been several heart breaks too. A couple of good deeds, and a lot of sins. Making a bunch of friends and a whole truck of enemies. Loving several things and hating more things. All that makes me who I am today.

    I have done so many things. Many, many things. But I have never finished reading the Holy Quran. It’s such a shame. Many people my age have finished reading it, not once, not twice, but many times. And some of them even memorise it! I finished reading The Da Vinci Code in less than 24 hours. I’ve re-read Deathly Hallows so many times. But I’m stuck in the 6th juz of the Holy Quran. God, where have I been? What have I done? :'(

    {source}

    Now, my friends, here’s my goal:

    I will finish reading the Holy Quran before I turn 20.

    I still have 2 months and a week to do this, right? I will give it my all. I will do it. InshaAllah.

    Come here and be my cheerleaders!

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

  • i miss you (+ sponsorship info)

    Busy, but still got time to take pictures = me

    Whoa! August won’t let me take a breath!

    The good thing is… today is the last day of sanlat. I hope it means that I will not be as busy as I was these past weeks. I have abandoned this blog for too long. I even missed yesterday’s Quoted Saturday. I’m sooo sad 🙁

    Also, on August 27th my family and I are going to Nyai’s house in Lampung and stay there for Lebaran until one week after it. Last time I went there, there was no internet connection. So to prepare for the worst, I’m not gonna accept any sponsor for September. Sponsorship will be re-open in late September for the month of October. I’m really sorry 🙁

    Oh and before I forget, I want to say hi to my newest followers. Hi! Thanks for following me! 😀

    I’ll see you (very, very) soon!

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

    PS. Mr Boyfriend’s dad is hospitalised. Please keep your thoughts and prayers on him and his family 🙁