edelweiss

    Posted in life as i know it by
    {source}

    I will never understand how the universe works. Never.

    Yesterday afternoon, I decided to wear a skirt and went out. After parking my motorcycle, I took out my wallet to put the parking ticket in. At that moment, I saw a dry edelweiss. He gave me this flower a long, long time ago. He called it ‘the flower of eternity’ and he gave it to me, wishing that our love would last until eternity. Well, seeing our situation now, I thought I should do something about it. Because keeping it on my wallet would always remind me of him. At first, I was thinking of giving it back to him, but I knew he wouldn’t want to take it. And then, I thought perhaps I could just throw it away, but I couldn’t do that to a special flower like this edelweiss. I didn’t know what to do, so I decided to think about it later.

    On my way back home in the evening, I somehow lost my bag with a lot of things inside it; my wallet is one of them. My theory is that I accidently kicked it off my bike and couldn’t see it happening because my view was blocked by my skirt. Yes, I lost my wallet, including the edelweiss.

    Maybe this is God’s way to help me moving on with my life. I put all of our photographs inside the wallet, and now that it’s gone, all the photographs are gone too. Our pictures together, smiling at the camera, are all gone.

    And this morning I found out that he already changed his relationship status on Facebook. So it’s official, then. I didn’t want to believe that it was really over, but it is over.

    But I’ll be alright. We’ll be fine. Eventually.

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

    21 May 2012

    ode to the heart

    Posted in life as i know it, love, memories by
    Situ Cangkuang, Garut. 19 May 2012.

    Here’s to the girls who are strong enough to let go. Here’s to those who are brave enough to leave a relationship that’s not working (anymore). It’s okay to cry, and it’s okay not to cry. You will be okay, maybe not today, but eventually. He might be a prince charming, but prince charmings are for helpless princesses. You are strong and you are brave; you deserve a knight in shining armour who will fight for you. Surely, memories of him are killing you slowly. You want to forget but that’s not how it works. You can’t forget memories; you can only prevent them from popping out every now and then. Create new memories, go on road trips, join new clubs. Most of all, go on with your life. Stop perusing your timeline to see if he recently tweets something. Stop visiting his profile page to see how he’s doing. It doesn’t matter anymore. Focus on yourself. You’ve spent two years and a half to take care of him; now it’s time for you to take care of yourself. Don’t worry (too much). Remember this: you are loved. Someone else out there is thinking about you and trying to find you as soon as possible. Take your time. Don’t force yourself. Time will eventually heal the wound.

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

    20 May 2012

    about the flat brown shoes

    Posted in life as i know it, what's inside my head by

    I’ve had this pair of shoes for months. I know they’re not that pretty (in fact, Ian once called them ‘old lady’s shoes’), but I love them. I love them very much that I used them almost every day. Even when they started to show some signs that they would be broken at any time, I still kept using them. I forced them until they finally gave up. Today, they’re really torn apart.

    Someone asked me why I didn’t try to fix them. Well, it’s too late, isn’t it? I mean, look at them. There’s nothing I can do. Even if tried, they wouldn’t last any longer. Maybe it’s best to just put them off.

    Those flat brown shoes will always be in my heart, even though I already bought a new pair. Because I love them. Since the beginning to the very end.

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

    18 May 2012

    long weekend is for…

    Posted in my day by

    Hi! I’m writing on my phone because I ran out of internet credit. It’s a long weekend here in Indonesia. And like every long weekend, Bandung is crowded by tourists. I’d rather stay at home than going out to face the traffic jam.

    Also, I’m not in a good mood for going out. Unless you come and pick me up, I’m not going anywhere. Haha!

    How’s your Thursday been so far?

    Sincerely,
    Putdar.

    17 May 2012