Darla!

Category: what’s inside my head

  • Talk

    Tonight, he and I talked about several things for two hours. I’ve been a little bit more sensitive than I usually am, but talking to him tonight had made it better. It’s nice, sometimes, to just sit and talk and listen and do nothing else.

  • Trifles (another ‘nevermind!’ post)

    Merriam-Webster Dictionary’s definition of trifle

    Last week we were assigned to discuss a play script written by Susan Glaspell entitled “Trifles”. It was about an investigation of a murder of John Wright in his bedroom with her wife, Minnie Wright, as the main suspect. The class was divided into 6 groups, and my group was assigned to discuss the theme of the play. I, being the internet-addict (and the laziest student my university has ever had) that I am, decided to google it and found some arguments that the play has the theme of feminism. Here’s what I finally delivered as a report in front of the class:

    In this play, the male characters mock the female ones because they think that the ladies put too much attention to small and ‘unimportant’ things. This makes the title: Trifles. The men keep looking for evidence in the form of weapons, blood, prints, and such. The women, on the other hand, pay more attention to the personal side of the suspect in the form of the state of her kitchen and all the things they can find there; or the real evidence, as the ladies can find the real motive behind the murder whilst the men find nothing.

    The first thing that came into my mind when I concluded said things about was exactly like: “Oh my God, this is so true!” Putting too much attention to small and ‘unimportant’ things? That’s us, ladies. From my own experience, I believe that I tend to overthink and overanalyse small things in my everyday life. On one of those days, I could spend more than an hour to decide which clothes I should wear or if my headscarf match my shirt or not. Small things like that could easily stress me out.

    And right now, I’ve been feeling so grumpy about a really unimportant thing (and by ‘unimportant’, I mean ‘very, VERY unimportant’): my relationship status on Facebook. I know, right?

    This is silly. Thinking about this trifle won’t help me solve any murder cases; nor will it help me get through all these assignments that I really should pay attention to instead.

  • A Confession.

    I feel like I’m starting to lose myself.

    These things I’m on: college, friendship, or even just life in general; I feel like they’re all tumbling down. I can’t keep my head on every subject I’m taking this semester. I’m drifting away from all of my friends (I haven’t even met Mijra for weeks. Sorry, dude…) And I’m slowly yet surely taking myself away from the world. I’d prefer lying down doing nothing. I have zero motivation in studying. I don’t want to be a teacher anymore. I feel like this is the lowest point of my life so far.

    I don’t know me anymore.

  • Survive.

    {via}

    At one moment in your life, you might be so broken that you would start thinking “How could I survive this far?”. I mean, it’s not like you’ve never had a broken heart before. You’ve loved and lost. You’ve had your heart and feeling bruised and battered. You’ve fought some wars. But now there’s this scar, an enormous scar that doesn’t seem to be able to heal as easy as the other scars before.

    Someone built you up so high, only to let you come crushing to the ground. He picked up the pieces of you, only to throw them back all together.

    And you can’t stand this city anymore. Because in every street, every building, every place, you can smell his perfume. Every song you listene to reminds you of his smile & his laughter. Wherever you go, you’d hope that he happened to be there too (either by pure coincidence or because you read each other’s check-ins on Foursquare). You read between the lines in his newest blog post, you watch his Twitter’s timeline; looking for a sign if he’s still thinking of you the same way you think of him.

    All you want is for him to come and knock on your door. Once again.

    But things are complicated. Things have been said and done. You want to be mad, but not sure at whom. In the end, you only hate yourself even more than before. All your friends (bless them!) keep telling you to watch the warning sign, but you’re just too dumb stubborn to listen.

    You keep believing in someday.

    So tell me now, how could I survive this far?

    Because I don’t think I’ll survive this one.

  • Rip Van Winkle

    {source}

    Last week we were assigned to read Rip Van Winkle in the form of a ballad as well as a drama script for the Exploring Drama class. I hadn’t heard the story before, so it was the very first time I read it. All Americans (and probably the rest of the world) already know the story because it is considered as a classic in the US; but if you don’t know what the story is about, here’s a tidbit of it:

    Rip Van Winkle is a story about the title character who goes up to the mountain to run away from his nagging wife. There he meets a group of ship crew who are playing ninepins. He drinks their gin and then falls asleep, only to wake up twenty years later, when the revolutionary has came and passed.

    Basically, the story is about a man who falls asleep. This is what’s been happening to me too lately: fall asleep. I fall asleep easily. This morning, I woke up at 5.30, took a bath, prepared my clothes for today, and then I fell asleep in my bed. I had to cancel an appointment this morning because of that. And tonight, just as soon as I came home, I fell asleep again. Luckily, I was still able to wake up just before midnight to do an assignment for tomorrow.

    What is happening to me?