Darla!

Category: heartbreak

  • Goodbye, Molly…


    After months of being unable to walk with her rear feet and two weeks of being cage-ridden, Miss Molly passed away on Friday morning. It broke my heart; I had always thought that she’d have a long life and someday my children would play with her and pull her tail. Yet, I am relieved. She was in so much pain and had been like that for far too long. I’m relieved that she’s in a better place now, perhaps playing with her three kittens who went before her. She will always be remembered and missed.

    We love you, Molls.

  • Happiness is a Matter of Choice #HappinessProject

    One of the happiest moments in my life: riding Gajah Bledug in Dufan

    There are a million reasons to be sad: breaking up with your significant other, losing a pet, being broke and tied in debt, having to be away from your family, Gaza war, starvation in Africa, et cetera, et cetera. When something bad happens to you, you may feel like the sky is falling, the world is crumbling down, your life is shattered into pieces, and the universe is so unfair. I know. I’ve been there before. And yes, I agree that it feels like nothing in this world can beat you in the Pain Olympics. What you experience is the worst.

    And of course it’s perfectly fine to feel so. Pain is a part of learning who you are. It is a part of growing up; a test to assess your worth. It is the gate to happiness, and as God has promised, there will be a relief for every pain.

    But please bear in mind that happiness is just a matter of choice. All the heartbreaks I’ve ever experienced have taught me that the key to happiness is believing that you are, indeed, happy. Once you’ve chosen happiness, the wall of sadness that’s been built around you will start breaking down. You will be able to see that the sun is still shining, the wind is still blowing, the world is still turning, and most importantly, you’re still alive! You survived the pain, passed the test, and now you’re one step closer to wisdom. Nobody can guarantee that you will never experience any more heartbreaks, but darling you’ve beat one helluva pain, any other pain will be a piece of cake for you from now on. You’re stronger now.

    And at that moment, you will see that God never breaks His promises.

    ***

    #HappinessProject is a project held by Hijabers Community Jakarta. The main event, called Hijab Day 2014, will be held on 27 April 2014 at Mall Gandaria City. See their blog for more details.

  • Lily is too…

    When I said that November felt like it had been going on forever, I meant it. I had to lose Billy at the beginning of this month. And, it breaks my heart to say it, I had to lose Lily too yesterday. Yes, Lily is gone too.

    Losing two wonderful little angels in less than a month make me think that I’m the worst pet owner in the whole universe. They were just 5 month old kittens. I feel sorry for Miss Molly that she had to lose her two kids because I couldn’t take care of them.

    Now I only have Miss Molly and Luna. I swear to God that I’m going to take care of them better from now on.

    Good bye, Lily. Now Billy can go chasing flies and you can watch him do that with your big eyes. I love you, sweetheart.

  • I love Billy

    I had prepared a somewhat happy post about something happened to me last week, but then Saturday came and my heart got broken so bad. I woke up a little late that day to find Billy lying on the bathroom floor, motionless. I quickly grabbed him up and called his name. He didn’t even meow at me; he just looked at me. His body was very cold and couldn’t do anything. He did try to stand up only to fall back down.

    I took him to a clinic near my house. However, since it was Saturday and still eight in the morning, the clinic wasn’t open yet. I stroked Billy’s fur and told him to be patient. He just looked at me and meowed nothing. I decided to take him to a farther clinic, but the doctor was on a vacation. I once again stroked Billy’s fur and told him to bear with me. I went back to the first clinic and luckily the clinic was already open by then.

    But God had another plan. When I opened Billy’s basket, he wasn’t breathing anymore. He’s gone.

    I cried at the clinic’s parking lot, hugging him tightly in my arms. He was very small and already cold. His eyes were empty and so was my heart. I had never lost a pet and this broke my heart so much. I cried at the parking lot for half an hour, all alone.

    Then I went home and hugged Miss Molly, whispering “I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” repeatedly like it would change something. I knew I should’ve seen the signs. Billy had shown some signs that he was ill since Thursday night but I ignored them. I knew there was something wrong but I shrugged the thought off. I’m such a bad pet owner.

    A came over to my house to comfort me. I still hadn’t decided what to do with Billy’s body and he offered to take it to his office and bury it in his office’s backyard. So we took Billy to Dago. He dug a hole and I put Billy there. Just like that and he’s gone.

    I still can feel him sleeping on my lap. I still can hear his purring sound. I still remember how he liked chasing flies and playing with dry leaves. I love him with all my heart. What makes me even more sad is the regret of ignoring his symptoms. My mind is still clouded up by the what if’s and I should’ve’s. He would’ve survived if only I wasn’t so stupid. He would’ve been here. He would’ve been still on my lap.

    It’s been five days and I still cry myself to sleep.

  • 19 September 2012

    … was the day I wrote this:

    It was the day of the phone call.

    It was the day I stopped believing.

    It was the day I died.

    It was the lowest point in my life.

    It was the day.

    It would always be the day.