Chosen

“It wouldn’t change a thing.”

“Well, it did change me.”

“You didn’t change.”

“My mind did.”

There was one time, November 2011, when I felt like I was on the edge of an ultimate break down. I decided, then, to board a train to Jakarta all by myself. Perhaps running away is the only thing I’m good at. This is perhaps what I’m doing right now: running away. Maybe someday I would finally have the guts to tell you the reasons why I am who I am today. But as for now, let me tell you this instead:

Yesterday, I got super angry at somebody’s tweet. They clearly talked about me, as it had my nick name in it, and it was a bad talk. I got super angry, but I didn’t rant back in Twitter. Instead, I texted A. I let it out on him in ALL CAPS. I told him that if I would, I could make their life more miserable.

“There’s something you could do to make them feel worthless: be happy.”

“I’ve chosen you.”

“Everybody knows that I’ve chosen you.”

Then I told myself, “I am happy. I am loved. I am chosen.”

Just right then, I’m good again.